i have a new plan for my life and i’ve never been so excited about any other plan. so that’s been enough to preoccupy me from how much i’m dissatisfied with life right now. i questioned if its ‘unchristian’ to think like that but soon remembered that there are tons of verses resembling psalm 13--
how long, O LORD? will you forget me forever?
how long will you hide your face from me?
how long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
i find it very funny when people mistake you for someone else. today i was walking into a coffee shop and someone approached me about my job application, as it became apparent that he had mistaken me, his uneasiness also became increasingly apparent. my own discomfort would make me want to flee the scene, but he was the owner and couldn’t. i found it funny.
most tall girls are mistaken for the same person.
i realized a valuable thing about myself and control recently. i’ve been freaking out cause i feel like i have absolutely no control over any aspect of my life. i’ve been flailing around trying to grasp something, manipulate something, so that i could have at least one constant in my life. unsuccessful. entirely, pitifully, embarrassingly, unsuccessful.
what surprised me most about his realization is that i’m usually ok without having control. i’ve been very hands off in my life, dealing with whatever happened. i’ve prided myself on the ability to have faith in god’s plan. i’ve had it too easy in my life and have never been pushed to take control. i was never held responsible for my actions if i pseudo took control.
so, i’ve been ‘giving god control’ of my life in my christian walk, but never had to actually give anything. and now that i do, i don’t know how and it makes me extremely uncomfortable.
and that is what i’ve learned about myself. ah, self discovery.
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