there are moments when i get glimpses of heaven. in recent history there’s been times in worship, watching acts of selflessness, a time when a kid at base camp recited a verse from memory, people repenting, listening to people when they're talking to God or about God. each is such a beautiful occurrence and often i get goosebumps during. i’m convinced there is a link and i’m grateful for a tangible expression of god’s presence. call me crazy.
i got bored of french music.
Monday, June 30, 2008
eat my dust.
_with a voice i cry out to the lord; with my voice i plead for mercy to the lord. when my spirit faints within me, you know my way!
psalm 142
planes are majestic in nature. the white trails they generate mark territory and announce the transport of travelers to new lands or return to the familiar. but these tags that prodigious engines make stand boldly for only a few precious seconds. within a few moments, a gravity-bound eye glances back. searches. only to be assured of the fact that it has in fact, vanished. like it had never even interrupted the atmosphere. a bandit in broad daylight.
but in the short lifespan of those paths, they must find themselves silently thankful for their winsome forefathers. for without those vanished pathways, they would not exist. not be in that very particular and intentionally placed position within the huge vastness of blue. they are indebted to those evaporated paths.
i watched a lot of planes on a bus ride from amsterdam. i found the faster the planes went, the faster the trail disappeared. and vice versa- slower planes had longer trials. there's science hidden in there somewhere... in the last couple years i’ve had a disappointing amount of slowing down. even points of stalling out mid air. i have lots of big ideas, mostly vague, that could potentially send me through the vast unknown at compelling speeds. however, other people, my own waning, shrinking in fear, reality checks, uncertainty… whatever the reason, it keeps me grounded… or, at best, flying at dangerously low speeds. consequently, my trail dissipates at a slower rate. pangs of hurt linger. sadness still seems real. could-have-beens still held onto, still on the radar. a shining white cloud mocking against the brilliant blue. i can look in my rearview window and the weight of those clouds could crush me beneath their weight.
i have no regrets. i’m forced to be reverent for the trails that brought me where i am. i do not completely forget them but time has a way of erasing details. memory likes to remember the good things. either consciously or not, the bad doesn’t seem quite so bad in hindsight. at least the hindsight when you’re a couple thousand miles away. when you’ve finally arrived in london, the four-hour lay over in philadelphia doesn’t seem quite so bad anymore. nevertheless, good or bad, i carry those things with me, but there is a direct relationship between the speed at which i continue forward and my perspective of the past.
when flying, airplanes don’t have a reverse. we can’t revisit the good times. cant relive the hurt... amen. but we must, with all that we have, forge ahead. remembering our trail and what has brought us to this place, taking the lessons learned, looking ahead and enjoying the ride… hoping for some turbulence—just because i really do love it. no symbolism. i really just love it.
_my mouth will speak the praise of the lord, and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever.
psalm 145
psalm 142
planes are majestic in nature. the white trails they generate mark territory and announce the transport of travelers to new lands or return to the familiar. but these tags that prodigious engines make stand boldly for only a few precious seconds. within a few moments, a gravity-bound eye glances back. searches. only to be assured of the fact that it has in fact, vanished. like it had never even interrupted the atmosphere. a bandit in broad daylight.
but in the short lifespan of those paths, they must find themselves silently thankful for their winsome forefathers. for without those vanished pathways, they would not exist. not be in that very particular and intentionally placed position within the huge vastness of blue. they are indebted to those evaporated paths.
i watched a lot of planes on a bus ride from amsterdam. i found the faster the planes went, the faster the trail disappeared. and vice versa- slower planes had longer trials. there's science hidden in there somewhere... in the last couple years i’ve had a disappointing amount of slowing down. even points of stalling out mid air. i have lots of big ideas, mostly vague, that could potentially send me through the vast unknown at compelling speeds. however, other people, my own waning, shrinking in fear, reality checks, uncertainty… whatever the reason, it keeps me grounded… or, at best, flying at dangerously low speeds. consequently, my trail dissipates at a slower rate. pangs of hurt linger. sadness still seems real. could-have-beens still held onto, still on the radar. a shining white cloud mocking against the brilliant blue. i can look in my rearview window and the weight of those clouds could crush me beneath their weight.
i have no regrets. i’m forced to be reverent for the trails that brought me where i am. i do not completely forget them but time has a way of erasing details. memory likes to remember the good things. either consciously or not, the bad doesn’t seem quite so bad in hindsight. at least the hindsight when you’re a couple thousand miles away. when you’ve finally arrived in london, the four-hour lay over in philadelphia doesn’t seem quite so bad anymore. nevertheless, good or bad, i carry those things with me, but there is a direct relationship between the speed at which i continue forward and my perspective of the past.
when flying, airplanes don’t have a reverse. we can’t revisit the good times. cant relive the hurt... amen. but we must, with all that we have, forge ahead. remembering our trail and what has brought us to this place, taking the lessons learned, looking ahead and enjoying the ride… hoping for some turbulence—just because i really do love it. no symbolism. i really just love it.
_my mouth will speak the praise of the lord, and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever.
psalm 145
Friday, June 27, 2008
true life: i'm a blogger
they have made me jealous with what is no god; they have provoked me to anger with their idols. deuteronomy 32:17-21
my inclination towards phases was on my mind as i was talking to my mentor. i felt god convicting me as our conversation moved towards idols. we’ve been hanging around in genesis as i set out to write the whole bible, and realizing god’s hatred toward idols in the old testament puts fear into my heart. i just might be guilty of turning something i’m really excited about into an idol.
my phases have ranged from triathlon training to moving to boston to an intense hunger for learning the entire english language (that one still exists). there was a point where i also bought all the essential cds and books to teach myself Spanish. i buy books constantly with hopes i will read them one day. how-to books, fiction, nonfiction. seminary was a fleeting phase not completely quenched, pescatarianism, craft projects galore, tennis, cooking, owning a long dinner table, being a teacher, crackling everything i owned, learning to play piano. i was on a sunflower stint in high school, salsa dancing hype, mastering the art of making both fishing poles and kites. blogging.
at their peaks it is very easy, frighteningly easy, for my excitement for something new and fresh to overbear seeking God (notice: big "g") with fever.
psalm 31:5-7
into your hand i commit my spirit;
you have redeemed me, o lord, faithful god.
i hate those who pay regard to worthless idols,
but i trust in the lord.
i will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love,
because you have seen my affliction;
you have known the distress of my soul,
and you have not delivered me into the hand of the enemy;
you have set my feet in a broad place.
my inclination towards phases was on my mind as i was talking to my mentor. i felt god convicting me as our conversation moved towards idols. we’ve been hanging around in genesis as i set out to write the whole bible, and realizing god’s hatred toward idols in the old testament puts fear into my heart. i just might be guilty of turning something i’m really excited about into an idol.
my phases have ranged from triathlon training to moving to boston to an intense hunger for learning the entire english language (that one still exists). there was a point where i also bought all the essential cds and books to teach myself Spanish. i buy books constantly with hopes i will read them one day. how-to books, fiction, nonfiction. seminary was a fleeting phase not completely quenched, pescatarianism, craft projects galore, tennis, cooking, owning a long dinner table, being a teacher, crackling everything i owned, learning to play piano. i was on a sunflower stint in high school, salsa dancing hype, mastering the art of making both fishing poles and kites. blogging.
at their peaks it is very easy, frighteningly easy, for my excitement for something new and fresh to overbear seeking God (notice: big "g") with fever.
psalm 31:5-7
into your hand i commit my spirit;
you have redeemed me, o lord, faithful god.
i hate those who pay regard to worthless idols,
but i trust in the lord.
i will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love,
because you have seen my affliction;
you have known the distress of my soul,
and you have not delivered me into the hand of the enemy;
you have set my feet in a broad place.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
what up gangster.
my mind can't stay on one thought for too long, so it tends to operate in lists.
wisdom i have to bestow upon you tonight:
1. i learned today that you shouldn't name something that could potentially be permanent after something evanescent.
i am a girl of fleeting phases. i get really excited about something now and again and after interest wanes, time is squandered, people are irked by my incessant behavior and i've spent significant amount of money on 'necessary' materials, the phase goes into remission and i move on to something else. could last a day. a week. at most, a couple months. i had a new one debut today. french music. because of this, i ran the idea by a friend to entitle my blog 'i love french music.' the impulsiveness of which i live by told me this sounded like a really great idea. honestly, this phase will probably last a week, and then i would be stuck with a blog that put my integrity in jeopardy. i would be lying to the world about the current state of my french music affections. so don't do it. (i realize there are multiple reasons for not naming a blog 'i love french music.' please don't judge me and my banal uncreativeness.)
2. i also feel i know that white people shouldn't say gangsta. its gangster. cause we're wannabes. its an important seed of truth that i invite you into.
first post. check.
wisdom i have to bestow upon you tonight:
1. i learned today that you shouldn't name something that could potentially be permanent after something evanescent.
i am a girl of fleeting phases. i get really excited about something now and again and after interest wanes, time is squandered, people are irked by my incessant behavior and i've spent significant amount of money on 'necessary' materials, the phase goes into remission and i move on to something else. could last a day. a week. at most, a couple months. i had a new one debut today. french music. because of this, i ran the idea by a friend to entitle my blog 'i love french music.' the impulsiveness of which i live by told me this sounded like a really great idea. honestly, this phase will probably last a week, and then i would be stuck with a blog that put my integrity in jeopardy. i would be lying to the world about the current state of my french music affections. so don't do it. (i realize there are multiple reasons for not naming a blog 'i love french music.' please don't judge me and my banal uncreativeness.)
2. i also feel i know that white people shouldn't say gangsta. its gangster. cause we're wannabes. its an important seed of truth that i invite you into.
first post. check.
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