some times

sometimes when i see people with their bible open or when i hear people talking about god i get the urge to encourage them. i want to yell, 'i'm on your side!' 'i believe!' it's completely impulsive. and completely ridiculous. maybe because it sometimes feels like your up against so much resentment that it just would feel nice knowing that your not alone. i wonder how people would respond.

today i had a conversation that i didn't really expect anything from. i was just wasting time before my shift started, not looking for conversation, actually not really wanting to talk at all. but one of our regulars wound up teaching me things about a passage in deuteronomy that were really interesting and well-informed. he mentioned something that stuck with me. when i asked him where he learned all of it he said that he grew up a christian but his mom was kinda the spirital leader, and since he's realized the adverse affects he has a personal mandate to be the spiritual leader. and to take that seriously. why is it my nature to expect the worst out of people. this young, attractive, college kid, baseball player, 40% tipper who comes in everyday is teaching me beautiful things and is taking something seriously that god laid on his heart. i guess the world is jading and i come to expect the worst. expect that there aren't many people loving christ and so i get overly excited when i see them publicly worshiping and lift them up to the status of preacher. also an ugly character of my heart to think that people don't have anything to offer me. i need to learn more from other people's experiences. they are valuable.

i noticed today that when i looked at the clock and it said 8:30, i finally just took it for 8:30. i wasn't looking at where the sun was, figuring out what time it would be before the switch, calculating what time it would get dark now, ya know regular compulsive type stuff. so now i will have to wait till 'fall back' daylight savings before i can start looking at the time and thinking about the way things used to be at that same 'time.' i am free. free indeed.