pregnant with possibilities

i've started to break in a series. the beginning materialized in my orlando recoil, overwhelmed by both my options and my limitations. adept and incapable to do anything i wanted. where do i even begin to start over?

it's been one of the few times in my life where i ran to my creativity to express myself. i've never made it to the end of my list of avenues. frankly, i'm scared of letting myself be fully known, letting others feel the weight of who i am, let alone expressing myself in a tangible way. leaving actual evidence. of me. for everyone to judge and analyze.

i suppose i was desperate.

white. blank slate. me.

my train of thought went to plans, layouts, blueprints, notes- scratchings, sketches, brainstorms that take place at a beginning of an idea. all beautiful things in the world started from a blank slate. all inventions, all architecture of antiquity and modern, and on a larger scale- all nature and creation. everything. granted, people and art absolutely do not exist in a vacuum and surely are inspired by something. so it's not perfectly white. (see also: jasper johns' off-white american flag, also a big inspiration.) plus, everything is slightly tainted, unconsciously biased by culture or upbringing and sin. so images appear, transcend, out of this off-white, that's been worked- underlining sketches and scratchings, underlying colors and images. something boldly steps forward. against the white. fighting against nothingness.

i wanted to test out the technique so i started by just doing a plain chandelier. something that i've always found absolutely beautiful, a symbol of elegance. completely ornamental. embellishment. if you're gonna effing light up a place, do it well. do it elegantly. someone set out from nothing, some light bulbs and crystals. all those individually beautiful pieces. together. it was a new idea at some point. and someone had to work, possibly from humble beginnings, to buy it.

i've finished two other small ones, re-working a few big ones, and really excited about one i'm in the middle of. i have an extremely hard time finishing things. but am excited to continue to express this season of life. the idea and technique has evolved slightly, but here's the first, with my camera phone, please excuse low quality and give me a little extra credit, of course you can't get the full effect.