Thursday, November 27, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
chains
i am thankful for people that give me tough love... bordering on violent love, but continue to speak truth into my life and remind me i matter most to the one who matters most. he is still chasing after me even when i keep straying. i feel like my life has been defined by a certain something for the past two years. a consistant weight on my shoulders, continually bringing me back to an unhealthy place, causing me be a person i don't want to be- made to feel worthless. not. true.
so glide away and so be healed
and promise not to promise anymore
and if you come around again,
i will not take the chain
from off the door
so glide away and so be healed
and promise not to promise anymore
and if you come around again,
i will not take the chain
from off the door
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
told you so
i've heard it said numerous times that once you get one tattoo, you'll want more. i want another, possibly on my other wrist. the more i research and find more meaning, the more i want it. crap.
i was struck when i heard matthew 5:48, "therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." the greek word for 'perfect' means 'finished, complete, having reached its end,' and implies being fully grown or mature.
grace is opposed to earning, but not opposed to effort. we must desire god's will so much that we seek to please him in every area of our lives-that is holiness. jesus says that god's law was never about mere rules but desires a complete righteousness of the heart, a total devotion to god's purposes in this world. thats part of becoming a disciple.
in the surrounding verses, theres a connection to the inability to be perfect apart from others. the bible links perfection with human relationships. christ urges us to be as perfect as our father in heaven and ties the process to how we treat each other. we cannot withdraw from people and still develop the necessary relationship skills, just as god never leaves us but continues to work with us. he is the one who works perfection in us.
in the verse, god becomes the standard of comparison and it suggests that jesus' instruction is exhortation, setting a goal, not assuming a state to which the hearers have already come. (the issue of whether any christian is perfect is irrelevant here. all of us can learn to better reflect god's character; at the same time, god promises us power to overcome any given temptation; and if we can overcome any temptation, we should choose to say no to every temptation.)
....but when we fail, we can fall back on grace. divine grace. god's gifts are gracious. they are unearned and unmerited by us who have willingly sinned against him, desecrated his beautiful creation and either ignored or neglected his awesome purpose. despite this, his gifts of life are nonetheless unforced, an abundant manifestation of his kind nature. he does not return evil for evil; he does not bear grudges, burn with resentment, or plot to get even. rather, he freely gives even to evil doers while he patiently works toward the completion... perfection... of his purpose.
the greek for 'perfect' is used two other times:
for we all stumble in many ways. and if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. if we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. james 2:1-4 (uh, i think a great thing to be reminded of... with permanent ink)
jesus said to him, 'if you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have, and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.' matthew 19:21 (again, permanent ink would be helpful. in hopes it will be permanently on my heart)
and similar to genesis 17:1, and the hebrew for blameless: when abram was ninety-nine years old, the LORD appeared to him and said, 'i am god almighty; walk before me and be blameless.'
i was struck when i heard matthew 5:48, "therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." the greek word for 'perfect' means 'finished, complete, having reached its end,' and implies being fully grown or mature.
grace is opposed to earning, but not opposed to effort. we must desire god's will so much that we seek to please him in every area of our lives-that is holiness. jesus says that god's law was never about mere rules but desires a complete righteousness of the heart, a total devotion to god's purposes in this world. thats part of becoming a disciple.
in the surrounding verses, theres a connection to the inability to be perfect apart from others. the bible links perfection with human relationships. christ urges us to be as perfect as our father in heaven and ties the process to how we treat each other. we cannot withdraw from people and still develop the necessary relationship skills, just as god never leaves us but continues to work with us. he is the one who works perfection in us.
in the verse, god becomes the standard of comparison and it suggests that jesus' instruction is exhortation, setting a goal, not assuming a state to which the hearers have already come. (the issue of whether any christian is perfect is irrelevant here. all of us can learn to better reflect god's character; at the same time, god promises us power to overcome any given temptation; and if we can overcome any temptation, we should choose to say no to every temptation.)
....but when we fail, we can fall back on grace. divine grace. god's gifts are gracious. they are unearned and unmerited by us who have willingly sinned against him, desecrated his beautiful creation and either ignored or neglected his awesome purpose. despite this, his gifts of life are nonetheless unforced, an abundant manifestation of his kind nature. he does not return evil for evil; he does not bear grudges, burn with resentment, or plot to get even. rather, he freely gives even to evil doers while he patiently works toward the completion... perfection... of his purpose.
the greek for 'perfect' is used two other times:
for we all stumble in many ways. and if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. if we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. james 2:1-4 (uh, i think a great thing to be reminded of... with permanent ink)
jesus said to him, 'if you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have, and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.' matthew 19:21 (again, permanent ink would be helpful. in hopes it will be permanently on my heart)
and similar to genesis 17:1, and the hebrew for blameless: when abram was ninety-nine years old, the LORD appeared to him and said, 'i am god almighty; walk before me and be blameless.'
top ten
reasons to move to seattle.
9. nature. mountains. redwoods. beautifulness.
8. outdoor activities. bike trails. hiking. camping. snow sports. water sports. trails galore.
7. seasons. cherry blossoms. no need to chase fall. snow. cold. pea coats. snow men. snowball fights. 
6. big city. big buildings. lights. nightlife. public transportation. fun nearby cities- notably, portland, vancouver, san fran... well, all of california via pch.
5. job opportunities. cotn and world vision headquarters. known as both the most highly educated and most literate city in the u.s. no state income tax. its #6 on top cities for singles: http://www.forbes.com/lists/2008/3/forbeslife-cx_singles08_Seattle_2396.html 
4. there's not many things i love more than the feeling of rain drops on my skin. rain boots. cute umbrellas. playing in puddles. 
3. culture. art school. real museums. the music scene. festivals (i.e. tulip festival!). coffee shops on every corner. 
2. mars hill. good teaching. new people. new community. new challenges- being named the most 'unchurched' city in the u.s.
1. it's not florida. 
10. (tie) change. new beginning. getting there via bike rides or road trips or planes. having friends visit.
9. nature. mountains. redwoods. beautifulness.8. outdoor activities. bike trails. hiking. camping. snow sports. water sports. trails galore.7. seasons. cherry blossoms. no need to chase fall. snow. cold. pea coats. snow men. snowball fights. 
6. big city. big buildings. lights. nightlife. public transportation. fun nearby cities- notably, portland, vancouver, san fran... well, all of california via pch.5. job opportunities. cotn and world vision headquarters. known as both the most highly educated and most literate city in the u.s. no state income tax. its #6 on top cities for singles: http://www.forbes.com/lists/2008/3/forbeslife-cx_singles08_Seattle_2396.html 4. there's not many things i love more than the feeling of rain drops on my skin. rain boots. cute umbrellas. playing in puddles. 3. culture. art school. real museums. the music scene. festivals (i.e. tulip festival!). coffee shops on every corner. 2. mars hill. good teaching. new people. new community. new challenges- being named the most 'unchurched' city in the u.s. 1. it's not florida. Friday, October 3, 2008
what have i done, that you did not repair
i have a new plan for my life and i’ve never been so excited about any other plan. so that’s been enough to preoccupy me from how much i’m dissatisfied with life right now. i questioned if its ‘unchristian’ to think like that but soon remembered that there are tons of verses resembling psalm 13--
how long, O LORD? will you forget me forever?
how long will you hide your face from me?
how long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
i find it very funny when people mistake you for someone else. today i was walking into a coffee shop and someone approached me about my job application, as it became apparent that he had mistaken me, his uneasiness also became increasingly apparent. my own discomfort would make me want to flee the scene, but he was the owner and couldn’t. i found it funny.
most tall girls are mistaken for the same person.
i realized a valuable thing about myself and control recently. i’ve been freaking out cause i feel like i have absolutely no control over any aspect of my life. i’ve been flailing around trying to grasp something, manipulate something, so that i could have at least one constant in my life. unsuccessful. entirely, pitifully, embarrassingly, unsuccessful.
what surprised me most about his realization is that i’m usually ok without having control. i’ve been very hands off in my life, dealing with whatever happened. i’ve prided myself on the ability to have faith in god’s plan. i’ve had it too easy in my life and have never been pushed to take control. i was never held responsible for my actions if i pseudo took control.
so, i’ve been ‘giving god control’ of my life in my christian walk, but never had to actually give anything. and now that i do, i don’t know how and it makes me extremely uncomfortable.
and that is what i’ve learned about myself. ah, self discovery.
how long, O LORD? will you forget me forever?
how long will you hide your face from me?
how long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
i find it very funny when people mistake you for someone else. today i was walking into a coffee shop and someone approached me about my job application, as it became apparent that he had mistaken me, his uneasiness also became increasingly apparent. my own discomfort would make me want to flee the scene, but he was the owner and couldn’t. i found it funny.
most tall girls are mistaken for the same person.
i realized a valuable thing about myself and control recently. i’ve been freaking out cause i feel like i have absolutely no control over any aspect of my life. i’ve been flailing around trying to grasp something, manipulate something, so that i could have at least one constant in my life. unsuccessful. entirely, pitifully, embarrassingly, unsuccessful.
what surprised me most about his realization is that i’m usually ok without having control. i’ve been very hands off in my life, dealing with whatever happened. i’ve prided myself on the ability to have faith in god’s plan. i’ve had it too easy in my life and have never been pushed to take control. i was never held responsible for my actions if i pseudo took control.
so, i’ve been ‘giving god control’ of my life in my christian walk, but never had to actually give anything. and now that i do, i don’t know how and it makes me extremely uncomfortable.
and that is what i’ve learned about myself. ah, self discovery.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
you give and take away
if you let your feelings go, its scary what you’ll find.
:update on the last post. make that eight episodes in the last 48 hours. and its totally worth it.:
tonight on my way home from small group i tried to praise god for closed doors. for those closed doors effectuate finding the right ones. i broke down. i’m not doing anything to pursue open doors. i’m like one of those guys from the end of luke nine- where they were like, ‘let me bury my father’ or ‘let me say farewell first.’ i cried out of sense of sadness and despair and then out of an anger that welled up contending, ‘what the hell are you waiting for?!?’ why am i waiting around for my life to start. i want to change the world. i have a holy discontent with being here. i drudge the everyday. i want to be doing something that makes a difference. i have nothing to show for the last couple months of my life. a lot of self pity and hanging on to the past. i’m so mad at myself. i stand waiting at the foot of closed doors hoping their comfort and familiarity will let me back in.
the tears really started pouring when i then came to, now what? this all sounds great, i’ve done a great job of pumping myself up. i can’t do anything till decemeber when i graduate. what do i do till then… what do i do then?
you give and take away. but my heart will choose to say. lord blessed be your name.
:update on the last post. make that eight episodes in the last 48 hours. and its totally worth it.:
tonight on my way home from small group i tried to praise god for closed doors. for those closed doors effectuate finding the right ones. i broke down. i’m not doing anything to pursue open doors. i’m like one of those guys from the end of luke nine- where they were like, ‘let me bury my father’ or ‘let me say farewell first.’ i cried out of sense of sadness and despair and then out of an anger that welled up contending, ‘what the hell are you waiting for?!?’ why am i waiting around for my life to start. i want to change the world. i have a holy discontent with being here. i drudge the everyday. i want to be doing something that makes a difference. i have nothing to show for the last couple months of my life. a lot of self pity and hanging on to the past. i’m so mad at myself. i stand waiting at the foot of closed doors hoping their comfort and familiarity will let me back in.
the tears really started pouring when i then came to, now what? this all sounds great, i’ve done a great job of pumping myself up. i can’t do anything till decemeber when i graduate. what do i do till then… what do i do then?
you give and take away. but my heart will choose to say. lord blessed be your name.
found
in the last two days i've watched five episodes of lost. averaging about 43 minutes, this has easily wasted at least three and half hours of my life. with three more seasons to go, this will be multiplied ten fold. the question is, do i get out while i still can.
i, like the rest of the world, have a crush on jack. which gives me reason to continue. amoung others. but, my name is tainted. shannon being such an uncommon name, its super weird hearing your name said- esp. in such a frustrated manner. i.e. every time her brother says her name.
thats all i got.
i, like the rest of the world, have a crush on jack. which gives me reason to continue. amoung others. but, my name is tainted. shannon being such an uncommon name, its super weird hearing your name said- esp. in such a frustrated manner. i.e. every time her brother says her name.
thats all i got.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)